Saturday, May 21, 2011

One Republic for Which I Ran

I have a new favorite song. Actually, thirty minutes ago I think it transitioned from being my new favorite song into being my new mantra. I played this song five times during my run tonight. I was exhausted putting on my tennis shoes, exhausted only because I had an absolutely wonderful day, a day chock full of nourishing dear and precious friendships, running errands with my sister and playing with my daughters. It was a great day. And the last thing I wanted to do to conclude it was run.

But run I did.

And I did so by simply placing one foot in front of the other - right, right, right, right, left, right, right, right, right, left, right, right, right, I kept marching on.

Thank you, One Republic for your beautiful lyrics. How did you know what I wanted to say?

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

This is the beginning of the chorus to the song, and I love it so much because sometimes I can become very fixated on all of the things that I am not. Wow, there are so many things that I am not. I'm not perfect, in fact I say, far more often than I should, that I don't really even feel as though I am great at anything. I feel good at a lot of things, but great... I am not. Ugly, defeatist self talk, I know. I'm trying to demolish thoughts like this and I'm doing a much better job, but focusing on things that I am not is a trap I very easily fall into. There is a compellingly unifying power about joining someone in a fight for something... a fight for freedom, a fight for life. My fight may be microscopic on the spectrum of contests, but here in my corner of the room, it feels like a really big battle. But, I promise you that... I'll keep marching on.

We’ll have the days we break,
And we’ll have the scars to prove it,
We’ll have the bonds that we save,
But we’ll have the heart not to lose it.

For all of the times we’ve stopped,
For all of the things I’m not.

We put one foot in front of the other,
We move like we ain’t got no other,
We go when we go,
We’re marching on.

I've been thinking about game changers. Poignant moments, dates in my history that changed the course of my life forever.
1.) June 1992 - the summer I had brain surgery after a freak softball accident - game changer. It's when I knew I wanted to practice medicine. It was also a moment in my life that I really learned to lean on God.
2.) August 1995 - I was twelve and I met my husband - game changer. But it wouldn't be until 1999 that I thought of him as anything but a slightly awkward, skinny genius that talked too fast.
3.) September 11, 2001 - game changer for everyone, but for me it was the day that I went from wanting to "practice medicine" to knowing I was absolutely, without a doubt, meant to be a nurse.
4.) April 7, 2005 - the day my mom died - game changer, in every way possible. And that was a time that I absolutely survived by putting one foot in front of the other.
5.) April 24, 2008 and December 27, 2009 - the birth dates of my two babies. It was these dates that changed everything that had changed before them.
My hope is that I can add April 26, 2011 to that list. It was the day I really committed to this blog, the day I asked for your help. I'll tell ya, twenty-five days in... it feels like a game changer.
The last two weeks I've lost exactly two pounds each. This is keeping exactly with my goal weight loss of two pounds a week. You'll notice the weight loss ticker I added on the right hand side of the screen. This is my total weight loss from the beginning of the year, when I actually started the blog (although I didn't share it with anyone). So with 14.4 pounds down and 50.6 to go - you know what I'm gonna do.... keep marchin' on.

And if you have any killer workout songs, feel free to suggest. I'd love some more mantras.

1 comment:

  1. I have no memory of this alleged meeting of August 1995. Clearly, I was too busy watching "TaleSpin" and "Batman the Animated Series" to take any notice of you. I was simply biding my time, waiting for your doomed romance with Jeff Kniptash to implode by the buses. We slightly awkward, skinny, fast-talking geniuses are not without plans.

    Here are some of my (off the top of my head) favorite running songs:

    The Polyphonic Spree - Section 22: Running Away
    Angels & Airwaves - Everything's Magic
    Petey Pablo - Show Me the Money
    Talib Kweli - Get By
    Ennio Morricone - L'Estasi Dell'Oro (The Re-mix)
    Oasis - Go Let It Out
    The Killers - All These Things I've Done
    Patrick Park - Something Pretty
    James Morrison - Nothing Ever Hurt Like You
    Embrace - Ashes