Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How may calories are in humble pie?

If you asked me a year ago if I thought what I have done these last 6 months was possible, I would have said something really jaded like, "well, possible but not probable." I have lost 33.4 lbs. That is almost what my 3 year old daughter weighs. I have lost a toddler. Well, you know what I mean. 

So can anyone tell me then, why I am feeling so down trodden? I think I am having a mid-weight loss crisis. All I can think about is how far I left to go. All I can think about is even after having lost 33 lbs I am still overweight. In my head I've composed a little comic strip about this... I wish I could draw, it would make my image a lot easier to convey. But it goes something like this...

Picture a really sad, sweet-faced Danielle - like a female Charlie Brown, with more hair - standing at the top of a mountain. The side of the mountain at my back is steady, but slow steeping. It's covered in flowers and places to rest. The side of the mountain in front of me - the way down - is jagged, thick with brush and places to trip. The caption reads, "Damn, Miley Cyrus, why you gotta be right?"

This is an uphill battle.

I've been doing a very good job of feeling sorry for myself the last week or so. I'm tired. Work is exhausting. I need a vacation. I don't want to make dinner. The hallway smells. The girls have the pukes. I have laundry and dishes piled to the ceiling. Today about sent me over the edge. I got home and I was twitching like an addict - scouring my cabinets for chocolate, cooked pasta, cheese, any sort of full fat cheese, Doritos for heaven sake where is something calorie laden, fatty and BAD FOR ME?!?!?!?!

I couldn't find anything to satiate my fix (because in a moment of sanity months ago I had removed all of that crap). So what pulled me out of the crack house hunt? 1.) I remembered that The Biggest Loser Season 11 premier was tonight. 2.) I went outside to walk my dog. 3.) I called my sister. Otherwise known as 1.) Inspiration. 2.) Fresh air. 3.) Support.

I have been thinking about the word humble. I have been thinking about it in the "having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance." and perhaps even in the "decisively defeat" way. I don't really like the word humble. For me, it conjures up images of someone meek and submissive - with a broken spirit, like Charlie Brown. I think I've been thinking about it wrong. Humble also means "not arrogant or haughty" (such a great word); "reflecting or expressing." It means everything this blog is about, it means not being to proud to ask for help.

Can someone serve me up a piece of humble pie? I've still got a long way to go.